Platonic love is real love and shouldnt be treated like less becuase it isnt romantic. Defining love as only romantic is a terrible concept. You should be able to love people in a platonic way as much as romantic way and not be seen as less
The Greeks were so much wiser than us modern folk, when talking about love. They believed it existed in eight different forms:
1. Eros (erotic love). This is, simply put, the sexual attraction you feel towards someone. In its best form, passion can be transformative… but it can also become destructive if not kept under control.
2. Philos (friendship). This is the love we treat as lesser in the modern world. Ironically, the Greeks considered it superior to eros as philos was considered a love between two equals and free of the animalistic pull of sexual desire. Philos is the kind of love two warriors who’ve shared a foxhole feel for one another.
3. Storge (familial love). This is the love and pride we take in our kinsmen and lifelong friends. For those who are deeply attached to their family name, who remember family members who pass on with great fondness… This is the name the Greeks, a culture based very much on accruing honour to one’s name and descendants, bestowed on this form of love, as it was so very important to them.
4. Ludus (playful love). The affection between young lovers, this is what we modern folk call “puppy love.” The flirting, teasing and childlike euphoria at being in a new relationship is all part and parcel of this form of love. The Greeks felt that love should have a sense of fun and play; it need not be serious 100% of the time.
5. Mania (obsessive love). This is what happens when love gets scary, and is the purview of stalkers and the most deluded among us. The Greeks believed that this occurs when there’s an imbalance between the presence of ludus and eros in one’s psyche. Those who experience this form of love also become codependent, and may be perpetrators of abuse of their loved ones.
6. Pragma (enduring love). This is a mature form of love, having aged like fine wine with time. It’s commonly seen in couples who have been married for decades, and is something we all secretly yearn for – the companionship that looks beyond our limitations, yet loves us for our frail humanity. A love where we are accepted unconditionally and will never stray from us. It’s hard to find, and takes a lot of time and patience to cultivate.
7. Philautia (self-love). This is where having a “positive mental attitude” and engaging in self-care comes in. The Greeks understood that, in order to care for others, we must first tend to ourselves. This is not a sense of vanity, but an awareness and acceptance of who you really are, showing yourself compassion in darker times.
8. Agape (brotherhood). This is the greatest form of love there is, and the hardest to aspire to. It demands nothing less than feeling love for all human beings, compassion for all creatures, an acceptance and forgiveness of the flaws of humanity, and the desire to ease the pain of those who suffer. To see in the eyes of every human being your brother, your sister – when humanity, in your mind, becomes your extended family. It’s not about paying lip service to religions that preach compassion, it’s about showing love for others in every word and deed.
So, if you thought romantic love (eros) was all there is to knowing and feeling love? You thought wrong. Let’s learn to love love in all its forms.
if you’re ever scared you’re not a good person, remember that bad people don’t care about being better
I feel like there’s a very important nuance here I’m going to add, based on experience
bad people don’t workto be better
I’ve met a few bad people who cared about being better. they cared quite a bit about being bad people, and hated that they had toxic streaks that made other people leave them
except they rarely worked at actually genuinely improving themselves. instead they put their effort towards finding people who would love them “as they are” because their toxic streak was an immutable mental illness
no mental illness is that immutable
take responsibility you can act better, you can work at being less triggered, work at being less controlling when triggered, and apologize when it inevitably happens you relapse (because hey, recovery is not linear)
recognize your bad reactions are out of line, and work to bring them in line
recognize we all have triggers and quirks and hot buttons and just because those get tripped doesn’t mean we can’t 1- be in some control of ourselves when those buttons get tripped and 2- apologize for what spills over and hurts others
you can be bad and care about being better
but unless you work on yourself, you’ll never actually be better
I don’t know if other diaspora kids have run into this issue but something I’ve been learning to make a distinction between is when someone Not Liking Certain Food is actually racist or they legit have issue with things like taste, texture, etc. The reason this is important is because it can bleed into ableism. Some people literally can’t eat certain foods, it’ll make them very sick, or they have negative sensory reactions to them.
For me it really comes down to nuance, but one of the main distinctions for Not Racist is if someone hates a food, but doesn’t stop other people from eating it. Example: my partner is white and on the autistic spectrum. The texture of soy milk and other things are just awful to her, but she’ll encourage me to have those foods. We’ve reached an understanding that doesn’t sacrifice my culture for her sensory limits or vice versa. (Keep in mind that some people have smell issues too though! Some smells like peanuts for people with severe allergies, can still cause bad reactions. So they may not want you to eat it around them, but ideally a cool friend won’t mind if you do it on your own time)
Of course, this doesn’t absolve them of responsibility either. I think regardless of someone’s dietary needs, they need to learn how casual language can hurt. Calling food disgusting or unsanitary is awful, and another distinction of Not Racist is if they’re open to conversations about editing their language. Some people do racist things ignorantly, but a malicious racist won’t listen or have a conversation about your experiences.
When making friends and getting into relationships, have talks about non-white foods and see what kind of language they use. Often it helps when they keep their distaste to a personal level Example: “That food’s just not for me” or “I’m allergic to ____” or “Oh I personally can’t eat that”
The converse red flag is when they condemn all of it just because of their personal preferences/needs Example: “That food’s disgusting” or “I don’t see how anyone could eat that” or “How can you stomach that shit?”
Food is a huge part of culture and it sucks getting into fights about the way our friends and partners talk about it, but sometimes we can get over-defensive and ruin relationships over small things that can be worked out with communication and good listening
Scientifically and psychologically speaking, long periods of physical contact or just closeness stimulate chemicals in the brain that promote trust. If you’ve ever slept while cuddling somebody you just met, you know how incredibly comfortable you feel with them after you wake up, as if you’ve known each other for years. So yes, a long nap together is actually the ideal date if your goal is a relationship based on trust.
Concept: a relationship where you’re both equally obsessed with one another but still respect eachothers space. There is no lack of communication or trust. Lots of sex.
Must be nice
This sounds fake…but ok
alternatively: all of the above, but both partners are asexual and neither tries to pressure the other for sex.
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